Sunday, 2 December 2007

"Now Everyone Can Fry" Promotion?

You cannot make stuff like this up [You'd get thrown in jail]. These classic screen-caps from the front page today, Dec 3, offering a disturbing prophesy? After years in the ad game, I tend to second guess the client and predict 'client-like' questions. I'm going to be the client today, pecking away at the brand aura - just for fun.

Top left,
perilously low, AirAsia 666 counts its final seconds - a hopeless emergency landing after hydraulic failure saw the Michelins' fail to drop [ED: I didn't add the shadow or alter the photo in any way]. Top right, I am seeing an Air Asia flight heading toward a distant skyscraper; The 2007 building is like a magnet. [Airline of the Year?? It must be a mirage*] And just to hammer home the point, a gang of wild-eyed jihadists - masquerading as maintenance men with only a huge bang in mind [those vestal virgins eagerly waiting 'on the other side']. 'Fly Air Asia? Not Me' is excruciatingly critical of Air Asia at times. So, I just thought we'd start the week with a gentle FaceBook-like poke.

and ... that ... is going to
be your last meal! I will
take my chances with the
emergency landing -at
least there's a glimmer
of hope I might survive.

'Hairspray Overdose'

Let's assume your flight misses the skyscraper - it turns out the threatening lads' in yellow were the steward's man-pals and actually a wholesome boy-band who wouldn't hurt a soul; the aircraft didn't break up during the 200kmh belly landing and slid gently to rest against the soft bosom of a Air Asia staffer. There's no need to panic. Keeping a cool head just comes naturally to some ... [Well, it seems that this genteel young man's video came to the attention of Air Asia's Management and was promptly removed. Fortunately, we are left with a screen cap. In a nutshell, the trainee got into such a heightened state of hysteria during his emergency drill, his indiscernible screeching and flapping would have caused widespread panic and confusion in the event of a real emergency. Hence the original title, as one might be forgiven he was sky high on ... God only knows. We will be far more careful in future with our videos, as we have been from the start documenting online evidence, which often disappears like scheduled flights. Jolly old shame really, because it would have made you pee your pants.]

[Voting:'Hairspray Overdose?'] We'd love to hear more from our overworked and under appreciated friends within AA. This one from 'FDTaO' - 'Taken while performing door drill/ emergency evacuation for Airbus 320 at AirAsia Academy, Kuala lumpur'. Well, many thanks to you and we hope that it's still as much fun. We liked your singing in the other video!

Captain Ravi & First Engineer Neer - We're Alive!!

"Testing ... testing ... one-two-three ... pffft ... pfft. Hello ladies & gentlemen. My name is Captain Ravin Labang and welcome to Flight 666 to KL. I'm sure you'll all need a donut and a coffee after that little bit of excitement. We do apologise for the delay. I am assured that the lady is fine. Frostbite sounds far more serious than it is - and she is being nursed by our public relations people until we can medivac her to Singapore. The incident before was a perfectly understandable misunderstanding. You see when I explained that there was a disabled person yet to board ... the hostess understood that to mean 'disable door' ... at which point the disabled lady was still attached to the exterior of the aircraft during takeoff. You know how these things happen ...... and as I've explained, she's got both feet firmly back on terra firma in safe hands. I'm monitoring events and assured medical crews will arrive any time - and our PR team are just great ... ah ... so, settle in. We've got a little less weight on board now, so we might even pick up a few of those lost minutes ... I'll check in a bit later and let you what the sky looks like from up here. On behalf of the First Engineer Neer and the rest of the crew, I'd like to wish you a relaxing journey .....[5 minutes later] ... pfft ... pfft ... Sorry, it's Captain Ravin here again. It has been pointed out to me ... when I said our pasenger has both feet back on terra firma, well, that was just a turn of phrase. We are very conscious of disabled people. So, there was absolutely no offense ... and you may have heard mention of a certain website that takes a rather light hearted poke at the airline. I guess most of you have read it ... I've read it ... he he .. some funny stuff there. All made up, of course - those clowns. Anyway, I'm sure we needn't mention today .. to them. Yes, thanks. Listen, I'm shouting you all an Ovaltine and a sugar donut. Ok. Better get back to the flying this baby then. Thanks ...."[A.Horribilis: We'd hasten to add that this is a parody story and to the best of our knowledge no incident involving a disabled person has ever occurred on a flight. This probably doesn't come as a surprise to many of you considering the airlines' track record with disabled people - it wasn't too long ago they couldn't fly at all. Then, nothing seems to have changed too much. Anyway, if you have questions for Cockpit Confessions hosts Captain Ravi and Engineer Neer, use the New CHAT feature - starboard side. You can chat to other passengers too. We're so hi-tech, we'd give AA a run for their money!]